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“Michael?”
I moved closer to my husband. He was on his stomach, his face a mottled purple. It was morning and I thought he might have passed out drunk the night before. Maybe he had alcohol poisoning.
“Michael.”
I shook him. Nothing.
Again. Still no movement.
His body was stiff, arms stretched overhead.
I checked his neck for a pulse and it felt warm, but I couldn’t detect a pulse. Still, his neck was turned toward his shoulder — maybe I just wasn’t feeling for it in the right place.
Imagine that you live with two horrible roommates. They disrespect your space, your time, and your relationships. They barge in at all hours of the day, leaving a mess in their wake that you have to clean up. Neither of them are particularly nice to you, and their constant belittling and berating makes you doubt every optimistic thought that crosses your mind. To top it all off, you’re stuck there. You can never move. You’re permanently trapped under the same roof as this irredeemable duo. It’s forever.
If you’re in the same boat as me, you really don’t have to work hard to imagine. I’ve always likened having depression and anxiety to being stuck sharing a home with a pair of bullies. They aren’t always around — in fact, sometimes I get nice long breaks while one or the other skips town for a bit — but it’s still their house, and they always come home.
Mike Biles is one of the most emotionally evolved men I know. He exudes a quiet confidence as a successful entrepreneur whose company handles insurance claims
Mike Biles, author
for companies and individuals whose roofs have been damaged in storms.
As he goes about his work arranging construction crews and fighting insurance companies to make sure his clients get what they’re owed, you’d never know he’s also the author of the book The Spiritual Prescription for Transforming Relationships and holds a master’s degree in spiritual psychology.
Nancy Robinson-Berry is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist in Georgetown, Texas. She has been an LCSW for 23 years, working with at-risk children and their families, as well as active duty soldiers and veterans. Now her work focuses on senior citizens to promote resilience and find meaning while aging.
If I were only allowed to tell my psychotherapy clients one sentence, it would be, “Learn to do mindfulness meditation.” I teach some form of it to a majority of them. Most who use it regularly report to me that they feel more at peace with their emotions and that they worry less.
They are often able to be more patient with themselves and to approach challenges less from a place of reacting and more from a place of curiosity. This helps them to suffer less when something painful happens to them.
Mindfulness meditation is not relaxation. It is about paying attention to “what is” in this moment, without judging it. If you feel anxious, you notice that. If you feel relaxed, you notice that. If your thoughts are loud in your head, or if you hear a clock ticking in the room, you pay attention to that.
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